Wishing You Were Here Again
by Celine Jordan
Summary: My first attempt at fanfic. A one shot song fic. BlinkMush. Please review!


**Wishing You Were Here Again**

(A one shot song fic. Blink/Mush)

AN: This is my first attempt at a fanfic. Any and all comments are appreciated, just so long as you don't rip me to shreds!

Kneeling in the damp grass next to the cold headstone, it finally sank in. He was really gone. He'd left me alone to face the dark, uncaring world. The world that didn't care how much I'd loved him. That didn't care about what we'd been through together. He was gone.

And it was all my fault.

**You were once my one companion,  
you were all that mattered.  
You were once a friend and **brother**,  
then my world was shattered.**

It had all started two years ago. We'd been friends for years. He was the only friend who had stayed by my side through everything. He'd been there for me when my mother died. He'd supported me as my father started to drink more and more. Then, he'd let me stay over when my father started to get more violent…

"He didn't mean it, Mush. He's just upset about my mom dying," I said softly into his shoulder. He didn't say anything, just held me and let me cry out the pain. I think that's the moment I fell in love with him…

**Wishing I could hear your voice again,  
knowing that I never would.   
Dreaming of you won't help me to do,  
all that you dreamed I could**

"Blink, why do you let him do this to you? You don't deserve this," he'd asked softly, brushing my hair back as he lightly cleaned the cut marking my cheek.

"He didn't mean to hurt me. He was just upset. The knife…he didn't realize what he was doing…"

This a year ago, after my father had sliced open my cheek in a drunken rage. I'd kept trying to say it was nothing, that I would be okay…but it was getting harder and harder to believe it. He was drinking more, getting more violent. I was scared to go home at night.

"You know you can stay with me whenever you want. I can't handle seeing you hurting like this," he'd said quietly, tilting my face up so his eyes were locked with mine. I'd stared up into those dark eyes, the pain forgotten. He'd always made the pain go away…

**Passing bells and sculpted angels,  
cold and monumental.  
Seem, for you, the wrong companions,  
you were warm and gentle**

"Mush…I'm scared. I don't want to go back there," I whispered, ashamed of the tears slipping down my cheeks. I couldn't look him in the eyes. He wouldn't understand. My father had done more than hurt me this time. He'd taken my dignity. My pride.

Mush had looked at me silently for a moment, then slowly nodded.

"Come stay with me. I'll take care of you," he'd said, gently forcing me to look at him. His dark eyes melted my barriers and I was exposed. He'd held my chin, his eyes locked on mine. In that moment, time stopped. I never wanted the moment to end. I'd never felt so safe, so protected…so loved.

Finally, so slowly it felt like a dream, he leaned forward and gently touched his lips to mine. In that moment, everything went away. The pain, the horror, the violence…

How could a kiss so light mean so much?

**Too many years fighting back tears,  
why can't the past just die?**

I'd never felt as happy as I did when I was staying with Mush. I felt loved for the first time in a long while. I felt safe and protected.

That kiss had been the beginning of the only meaningful relationship in my life. In the few days we had together, he came to mean everything to me. He was my life. My love. My world.

Nothing so good can last, though. Not for me. A few days later, my father found out where I was. He'd come after me. That day will forever be burned into my memory.

He'd been furious that Mush had let me stay. In a rage, he'd gone after the boy. I tried to protect him. I really did. But my father…he was too strong, too angry…

**Wishing you were somehow here again,  
knowing we must say goodbye!  
Try to forgive, teach me to live!  
Give me the strength to try**

I stared down at the headstone in front of me, tears blurring my vision. He was gone because of me. He'd tried to help me and now he was gone.

"I'm so sorry, Mush. He wasn't supposed to come after you," I whispered softly, slowly running my hand across the engraved name on the headstone. "He's gone, Mush. He's really gone. I'm free. I'm going to make something of myself. Just like you wanted me to."

The tears slipped unheeded down my cheeks as I slowly stood up. Nothing I could say or do could do justice to him. I gazed at the headstone for another long moment, then slowly turned and walked away. Back into the dark, uncaring world…

**No more memories, no more silent tears  
No more gazing across the wasted years  
Help me say goodbye…  
Help me say goodbye…**


End file.
